Reflections | SHAME VS GUILT

Watch as Msgr. Don explains how one is healthy, the other is not, and why it is crucial for our own wellbeing to know the difference.

Good morning. I want to talk to you today about two things that we've all experienced. One is called shame and one is called guilt. And sometimes we don't make a distinction between the two, but it's very important to make that distinction because they're really different animals in a way. And we need to deal with them differently. 

And here's the difference. When you do something wrong and you become aware that somebody points it out to you or you stop and think about what you did, is that I did something wrong. I did an action that was wrong. That's guilt. And it is healthy. Without it, there's a person without any kind of possibility of guilt, which is a sociopath, which is a very dangerous character as we know. That's healthy. 

But shame, on the other hand, is different because shame is not recognizing I did something wrong. But there's something about me that is wrong, something about me that is twisted or broken or not what it should be. Sin is a normal part of the way we grow and change to face a sin and to look at it for what it is you learn from that and it's healthy. But to go beating yourself up in a sense of feeling that there's something intrinsically wrong with you, you begin to chip away at your essence, your value as God sees you. And then when you feel there's something wrong with you, you feel alienation not only from yourself, but from the people around you and from God. It's like putting yourself into a position where you see yourself as unlovable and somehow rejectable, if that's even a word. 

So please, please be careful of the difference or notice the difference. And be careful of the danger of too much shame. It's normal to sin. It's a part of growth and change. You should never look in the mirror and not see something beautiful, something full of potential, because that's the way God sees you.

Have a good day.

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Kyle Cross